This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
