Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
