I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
