i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
