He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
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