hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
