I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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