You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
