I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
