She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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