She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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