you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
