so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
