whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
OPIZZABONMYDICK
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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