i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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