I'll bet she douches with gravy.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
