Whats the glycemic index on semen?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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