I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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