How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
