Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
