I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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