What a fucking waste of an outfit
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
