the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
