Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
