dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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