My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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