Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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