I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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