Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
