we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
