his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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