Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
