so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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