I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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