My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
