Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
