nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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