Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
