Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
