It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I AM VODKA MAN
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
