Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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