u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
