He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
