So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
