The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
