I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
