btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
