DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
