yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
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