we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
