Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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