got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
