STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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