the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Let's get the cat blown out
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
