peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
