Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
