I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Randomize
